Since I had Molly by emergency caesarean-section back in February I have longed to feel what labour would be like.
I want to feel the pain of a contraction (although I may have during the induction but I thought it was trapped wind).
I want to know how it feels to push a baby out of me, rather than having it taken out of me.
I want to feel like I did not fail as a mother by having a section (I know this is not the case but I do feel a lesser mum).
I want to feel the joy of having my baby handed straight to me, not 45 minutes later (baby was taken away to be checked before I even got to see her, then was placed in husbands arms not mine).
I want to be the first person to hug my newborn, maybe even be the person who finds out what sex it is first.
I want to look back on the initial few minutes of my baby’s birth with joy, not with upset.
I did not realise just how much Molly’s birth has bothered me until now. I am sat writing this with tears streaming down my face.
The actual c-section was great. From arriving at the hospital to having Molly I can not complain really. We were relaxed. It was pain free. We sang to the radio as nothing happened with the induction. It was jovial, it was great!
I just feel I missed out. I missed out and you can never get those moments back. Molly was my first born I can’t have another first born.
I don’t think I saw Molly until she was in her nappy. She was wrapped up and over by my husband who got the first hugs from her family. I went through nine months of pregnancy and didn’t get the first hugs!!! I just got to crane my neck and look at one side of her face. She was then taken from my husband and placed in a cot. A cot!!! When her mum was right there wanting a hug she was placed in a cot. I didn’t even know where they had put her and stared at the ceiling until one nurse pointed out she was over at the other side of the room. I could hardly see her.
Finally as we were wheeled out of the operating theatre she was placed beside me on my bed. I got my baby at last.