Officially unemployed, a SAHM – and I am loving it


Let me be a SAHM (stay at home mum) without having to justify it!

At the end of December I became “just a mum” after deciding not to return to work following my maternity, to become a SAHM. It is something I had thought a lot about from the minute I learnt that I was pregnant and although I know it is what I want to do for now, it was still a hard thing to do.

Financially we are not better or worse off by staying at home. We get child benefit only, nothing more, so we are not sponging off the Government as many people, including the Government might try and make you think. It really bothers me that there are people who think I am lazy or that we are sponging off the Government when we are not.

I will admit I do find being a mum “easy” but that is because we are so lucky with Molly that she is no trouble at all. I may take that all back in a month or so if she changes but for the past 11 months I have not felt being a mum to be hard. Does this mean I am lazy when compared to a working mum? No I don’t think so. I could get into that debate but for now I will leave it there.

My wages would have covered nursery fees and nursery fees alone. Why therefore would I want to go back to work if I can spend lots of quality time with the child that I decided to have?

I see nothing wrong with people who want to return to work, if that is what they want to do, but for me being “just a mum” is what I want to do.

I do worry that when it comes to returning to work that I will struggle to get something that I want to do. I enjoyed the job I was doing, for a while, but I was at the point that I wanted a change from it so I wouldn’t want to return to the same type of work that I was in. Now I have no idea what I want to do. Thankfully I won’t need to think about it for many years to come. I did still cry when I posted my notice though, making my option of being s SAHM a reality.

Since then I read an article on Parentdish stating that research has been done that suggests SAHMs are depressed and joyless. I feel quite the opposite. Each day I smile more than I have ever done, I laugh constantly and I feel the best I have ever felt emotionally since becoming a mum.

Researchers in the US claim SAHMs to look after their children are more likely than working mums to suffer from worry, stress, sadness, depression and anger. I beg to differ. I can quite honestly say, that for now, becoming a SAHM is the best thing I could have done, financially and emotionally and it makes me feel so happy and lucky to be given the opportunity to do this.

What I would love more than anything is to be a SAHM and not feel that I need to justify why I have chosen to do this.

Are you a SAHM, do you feel like you depressed and lonely because of it? Are you a working mum who would rather be home?


Mami 2 Five

21 thoughts on “Officially unemployed, a SAHM – and I am loving it

  1. hahaha! I did laugh at that about SAHMs being depressed and joyless….I was depressed and joyless when I worked! I’m a SAHM and I love every minute….I’m not lonely or depressed because of it!

  2. I can not wait to have a child and be a stay at home mum! I am very envious of my friends who are, and they work soo hard raising their children that it’s a job in itself! It’s a shame the press and government make it negative when we should encourage women to make their own choices about whether they want to return to work or stay at home. I look forward to seeing more of what you both get up to over the year through the project 365 🙂

    • It is a very rewarding job but have witnessed so many people who diss SAHMs because work at home mums work so much harder to bring up their kids and work. I disagree as a lot of the bringing up is done in nursery care so there is help there. The argument sounds like they work whilst looking after kids at the same time. Both situations have advantages and disadvantages, I just like being a SAHM, I know its not for everyone.

  3. I am a stay at home mum and by no means am I depressed or joyless. I have hours of laughter and fun with all 3 of my kids and I don’t understand the whole working to pay for fees. If you have excess money left over after fees I can understand it a little more, but to be no better off and not see the children would absolutely break my heart. I was talking to a “friend” who works full time and the children are in nursery and she happily admits that she couldn’t cope being at home all the time, I couldn’t understand why she had children 😦

    • Working to pay fees is something that stumps me completely. Yes if I had been taking home a lot of money after fees it would have been harder to decide to do but when you come home with next to nothing it is not worth it. Also those that don’t enjoy being at home with their kids. Why have them then?

  4. I’m a SAHM to a one year old and a four year old and some days are really hard. Having said that, my previous job wasn’t exactly all fun and games either! I think a lot of it can depend on the ages of your kids, how many you have and to what extent you are able to get out and do things with your kids. Oh, and how much coffee you’ve needed that day too 😉

    • I don’t deny that it can be hard. I have been lucky that generally it hasn’t been too tough yet but there are days when it is tougher than others.
      I’m afraid it is Irn-Bru that is my saviour not coffee!
      I think it probably can be to do with your job. I don’t miss mine, or sad about leaving it so I guess that makes it easier for me?

    • See I just can not imagine anyone else looking after Molly either. I love it and I had kids for me to look after them, not some stranger. I love being at home and seeing her grow up before my eyes and know that it was me that helped guide her to be the fantastic little person that she is.

  5. I am a SAHM with three kiddies under 10 yrs old but returning to work part time pretty soon. I’m actually looking forward to balancing adult and professional life with kids and school pick ups. I’ve been at home for 3 years now and loved it but I have to admit that sometimes it was really hard to feel fulfilled. Overall though I feel like it suited me for a period of time. Good luck in your ‘job’!

    • I don’t object to going back to work but would love to be able to fit something around hubby so that I knew it was us that were looking after Molly. It can be hard to feel fulfilled some days I suppose but then I wasn’t in a job that felt fulfilling for a good few years.
      Good luck with going back to work!

  6. Good for you for making the very hard decision to become a SAHM, it’s really not an easy move to make is it. I did the same back in October, to look after my three children (5,4 & 1) as I just couldn’t handle the stress of the logistics of shift working and three children in three different places (plus a super stressful job as a midwife). I have my moments of reeeaally missing work, but on the whole I know I did the right thing. I don’t think any survey in the world is capable of measuring an individuals levels of stress etc, how do you quantify that? Nonsense, they just know it’s an attention grabbing article! Good luck with your journey x

    • It was so much harder to do than just to think about doing but once I did it was a weight off my shoulders once I had done it.
      I am so glad you have managed to become a SAHM and that it is the right thing for you. Hope your journey is a great one!

  7. I also became a SAHM a couple of months ago and always feel I have to justify this! I’m certainly not depressed and I 100% agree with you when you say why should you work if it’s only to cover the cost of childcare! It’s lovely to be able to spend quality with your child. At the end of the day it won’t be for that long anyway. Before we know it they are off at school all day… #sundaystars

    • Oh no. Don’t mention school! That just isn’t going to happen. My baby will be my baby forever, right?
      It is such a short time that we are going to be off for and it is not that we are off and doing nothing. We are off and looking after our children, something people are paid to do yet they are seen as having a job and we are not. How is this?

  8. I became a SAHM when my baby was 6 months old and we emigrated so we had the finance for me to stay home. And I do love it, I wouldn’t say I loved work but I do miss the grown up time, the time to use my brain for more than singing nursery rhymes and thinking of fun crafts, of trying to live up to the “Pinterest Mum” making rainbow spaghetti (yes I have done this more than once!). And at work I could switch off, you can’t with a toddler, I could guarantee a HOT cup of coffee!

    I’m lucky, out here in Dubai, the majority of people I know are SAHM. If we had stayed at home in London I think that the cruel reality is that finances drive people back to work even if they don’t want to go so your social circle gets smaller, therefore so does your babies social circle and often you find yourself sending them to nursery for the interaction you want for them to grow and develop. It’s such a minefield!!

    And now I’m pregnant again so looking to stay home for a while yet…..have I ruined my career? Probably. Was I that fussed about it in the first place? Probably not, I have had more joy out of my toddler laughing and baby kicking than I ever had “closing a deal”

    Enjoy your time as a SAHM, keep blogging!

    • I totally understand where you are coming from. Sometimes you just have to work. I would rather ruin my career (not that I enjoyed it) and bring up my kids than miss out of parts of their life that I could never get back.

  9. I am definitely a working mum who would rather be at home!! I had no choice but to come back to work and then in order to buy our house and pay the mortgage I had to return full time. As my mum looks after my son 3 days a week, I earn way more than childcare costs so it wasn’t feasible in any way to stay at home. Personally I hate having to work, I would much rather be bringing my boy up but it just couldn’t happen.

    • If I had someone there to look after my kids and I wasn’t paying for it then I too would have needed to continue working. I often get annoyed we don’t have someone here to look after them but at the same time I realise it has worked in my favour. It is annoying to think there are people out there who can’t manage to take time off to look after their kids when they want to 😦

  10. I agree with so much in the post. I am a SAHM and I get fed up having to justify myself to people. It was a hard decision to make but the best one. I can understand how SAHMs could get depressed. It can be quite isolating. You need a lot of self-motivation to get out the door and go to baby groups. Thank you so much for linking up to #SundaysStars. Hugs Mrs H xxxx

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